I think im crazy or deranged?

a couple of weeks ago i began thinking that what i was thinking wasn't normal for a 14 year old to be thinking ( the only way i can sleep is imagining that my family is dead) i like my family, i have 3 brothers and a mum and dad and i like one of my brothers and im pretty close to my mum. i told a friend about what i was thinking and she said i should get help but i don't think i'm ready for opening up too a stranger just yet, but now i have tried killing myself and cutting myself.. am i crazy??